我在废弃车子的另一头。。。被车窗刚好' 框‘住了三个小家伙和我对视而笑。。。无心之作，可是 我好喜欢这张照片里女孩们的笑容。
Merry Christmas
16 years ago
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
happy birthday to my papa
There is a old saying - a daughther is a father's past life lover. Today , is my past life's lover 70th birthday =).
My father, is not the very typical 'father figure' type that is commonly portrayed in the text book but in some sense he is a very 'typical' kind of an old time Asian father- who work very hard raising the kids,fill every kids' stomuchs but share very little knowledge of the kids' mind.
This is a very special photo for my father and me.
This picture was taken during one of the very limited family outing i had during my childhood. I was probably in kinder garden, 6 / 7 years old the most, at Desaru, 1 event organised by the factory that my dad used to work. I can't recall there is any other time that we were so physically close. Sometimes memory works in a very strange way, believe or not, i can;t remember much details of that outing,except my father's hand, the feeling that he was holding me in the waves- the waves at Desaru was really strong, especially for a kid, what i remember is i really felt safe in my father arms and we were laughing...
i think this kind of strange memory from childhood is the experience that will eventually transcend into something beyond words -sort of like some unexplainable bond that we'll carries thru our life...
We always have this ' image' of a rightful father that, we would like our own father to fit in. I have to admit, i am not that kind of daughther who are madly in love with this past life's lover. Sometimes i tend to complain a bit ( instead quite a lot -p ) of this lover too. As father and daughther, we don't really talk much. Instead most of the times i even have to work hard to find a common topic. When i see some other daughthers who are really close to their fathers, both physically and emotionally, I have to confess, i do feel envy from time to time and secretly thinking ' why my father not like this and not like that..?'.. . But over the years, i have also learnt/ learning to accept my father as who he is , just as how he has accept this daughther of his ( actually i dun really know has he fully accepting me 100 % , i do hope but doubt so =). .. to learn to be at ease with the silence that lies between us, or even start to enjoys our ' wordless but comfortable stress-less moments' that are uniquely us.
My father is 70 years old this years. He is getting old... Unlike my mother, he is a much more a simple minded person. I used to complaint about his ' too simple mindedness' , but today, i wish he will be always happy in his 'simple' world for the rest of his life.
Happy Birthday to my father. 31 August, he shares same birthday as Malaysia !!
My father, is not the very typical 'father figure' type that is commonly portrayed in the text book but in some sense he is a very 'typical' kind of an old time Asian father- who work very hard raising the kids,fill every kids' stomuchs but share very little knowledge of the kids' mind.
This is a very special photo for my father and me.This picture was taken during one of the very limited family outing i had during my childhood. I was probably in kinder garden, 6 / 7 years old the most, at Desaru, 1 event organised by the factory that my dad used to work. I can't recall there is any other time that we were so physically close. Sometimes memory works in a very strange way, believe or not, i can;t remember much details of that outing,except my father's hand, the feeling that he was holding me in the waves- the waves at Desaru was really strong, especially for a kid, what i remember is i really felt safe in my father arms and we were laughing...
i think this kind of strange memory from childhood is the experience that will eventually transcend into something beyond words -sort of like some unexplainable bond that we'll carries thru our life...
We always have this ' image' of a rightful father that, we would like our own father to fit in. I have to admit, i am not that kind of daughther who are madly in love with this past life's lover. Sometimes i tend to complain a bit ( instead quite a lot -p ) of this lover too. As father and daughther, we don't really talk much. Instead most of the times i even have to work hard to find a common topic. When i see some other daughthers who are really close to their fathers, both physically and emotionally, I have to confess, i do feel envy from time to time and secretly thinking ' why my father not like this and not like that..?'.. . But over the years, i have also learnt/ learning to accept my father as who he is , just as how he has accept this daughther of his ( actually i dun really know has he fully accepting me 100 % , i do hope but doubt so =). .. to learn to be at ease with the silence that lies between us, or even start to enjoys our ' wordless but comfortable stress-less moments' that are uniquely us.
My father is 70 years old this years. He is getting old... Unlike my mother, he is a much more a simple minded person. I used to complaint about his ' too simple mindedness' , but today, i wish he will be always happy in his 'simple' world for the rest of his life.
Happy Birthday to my father. 31 August, he shares same birthday as Malaysia !!
Monday, July 27, 2009
my father is home alone
Sunday, went back home in early morning and have breakfast with my dad. My dad is home alone, as my mum has gone spend her 'vacation' with my brother in KL. It is always time like these that my father and I have our ' 二人世界‘ , when mum is away.
And only in moments like this, i come realised how my father has aged.. His famously thick, dark hair has become mostly white and much thinner.. He frame has shrinked, his eyes look tired, his voice softer, his skin starts develop the ' ageing spot's , and the way he walks, is of an old man...
observing the physical changes on my dad, talking to him, checking on his health's condition, his working condition with my bro..I feel exceptionaly closed to my father this morning and exceptional saddened too by the passing time and it's imprint on my dad...
Last night, when i went through Yasmin Admad old commercials, I saw one that is echos my morning's feeling, which brought me to tears...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCM0JJ5mc7w&feature=related
times.. * sigh
and one more sweet one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKd-coKQJSk&feature=related
And only in moments like this, i come realised how my father has aged.. His famously thick, dark hair has become mostly white and much thinner.. He frame has shrinked, his eyes look tired, his voice softer, his skin starts develop the ' ageing spot's , and the way he walks, is of an old man...
observing the physical changes on my dad, talking to him, checking on his health's condition, his working condition with my bro..I feel exceptionaly closed to my father this morning and exceptional saddened too by the passing time and it's imprint on my dad...
Last night, when i went through Yasmin Admad old commercials, I saw one that is echos my morning's feeling, which brought me to tears...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCM0JJ5mc7w&feature=related
times.. * sigh
and one more sweet one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKd-coKQJSk&feature=related
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
面对海洋
"..「衝浪這東西，是比表面看起來更深奧的運動。我們透過衝浪，學到不要抗拒自然的力量。不管那是多麼粗暴的東西。」 .."
—村上春樹《海邊的卡夫卡》
第一次讀到村上春樹這段描寫衝浪的文字時，剛好也是自己第一次接觸衝浪這種運動，在缺乏技巧且以頑抗的態度面對大海，果然吃盡苦頭。浪大的時候，每個浪潮都像拳擊手揮來的重拳一樣，把人K得頭昏眼花。風平浪靜時，又枯坐在海上閒得發慌。後來才知道，這運動跟人生一樣，沒放鬆心情去面對的話，不但無法從中得到樂趣，而且會把自己搞得精疲力盡。。。 ”
我在某处读到这样的文字，用同一种心情去面对海洋吧。
above or under the blue...
—村上春樹《海邊的卡夫卡》
第一次讀到村上春樹這段描寫衝浪的文字時，剛好也是自己第一次接觸衝浪這種運動，在缺乏技巧且以頑抗的態度面對大海，果然吃盡苦頭。浪大的時候，每個浪潮都像拳擊手揮來的重拳一樣，把人K得頭昏眼花。風平浪靜時，又枯坐在海上閒得發慌。後來才知道，這運動跟人生一樣，沒放鬆心情去面對的話，不但無法從中得到樂趣，而且會把自己搞得精疲力盡。。。 ”
我在某处读到这样的文字，用同一种心情去面对海洋吧。
above or under the blue...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
my re-entry to the deep blue
Dive 1- Stress level 80%
Shit man... after 3 years absent from any dive.. was lead straight to assemble the equipments. Bloody hell, i can't even really 100 % sure which button is deflate and which is inflate..thought i am very sure the cylinder is the oxigen tank..And before the dive, the stupid Pig head dive operator , as if the 'unfamiliarity' hasn't burden me enough, keep stressing how distant my last and... Only dive trip was..problematic, problematic, his bloody expression looked more worried than me. on the boat ride out to the sea, still try the very last minute of revision- verbally...Before realising.. boom !.. .. shit.. can not sink..in a kelam kabut way.. pig head stuck 1 kg weight in my bcd and i sink....in a reversed position ( imagine a prawn shape posture, with waist down first, follow with head and fins). .. hang on..!!!! i have yet to properly equalize myself...... in a uncontrollable way... i 'swing' my way to the bottom... before i properly 'kneel' on the sand... i float slowly... slowly ... slowly ... up... wei..!!! pig head u not going to grap me??!... and i just float my way up... disastrous!
- not enought weight, didn't equalise properly wet suit
Dive 2- Stress level 75%
F**K ! though i m taking an advanced course, doesn;t mean my skill very advance le.. introduced to the instructor, better refresh how to 'breath' under water again.... slowly get back the rhythm. Finally sink, but in a very akward way, can't kneel in a balance way. Do i hav dog gene inside, why 1 leg keep 'floating' up.. ??
- BCD too big, tank keep swinging side way- cause imbalance.
Dive 3- Stress level 50%
Changed to a XS BCD. Great! at least i can descend legs down man...keep myself underwater longer to familirize with the deep blue and the breathing... still feel tensed.
Dive 4- Stress level 40%
Underwater Navigation? already no sense of direction above ground and i have to navigate under the deep blue?.. Dun care, any how. MAN wan to 'cubit' me liao.. totally clueless of the direction. And MAN said i m 'vertigo' . alamak! can i find a diving labrador not ? imagining ..it would be a cool one =)
Dive 5 - Stress level 35%
dark, dark , dark..Not as stressed as i expected, though i still having difficulty descend.. this time - didn't press the button hard enough!. what a reason! Anyway, the 'charming instructor to be' Francis come to rescue. Even in the darkness i can see his impatience eye 'piercing ' thru me, ‘白’了我两眼 , at least.( hey Francis, must learn to be more patient with lousy student if wan to be intructor la). There was a time, the torch out of function for few minutes, but no chance panic as the buddy MAN just right beside. I think he must be quite stressed also by tis 'vertigo' student hehe.. and after his twist and turn, torch light back to function, bloodly handicapped torch charge us 20 ringgit some more..blood sucker ! didn't see much fish in the dark water .. only the darkness get deeper and deeper..imagine outside the glow, the fishes that were eyeing us in the unknown darkness..as if, .we are the protagonists on the under water's big screen mann... eerie..what an experience!
Dive 6 - Stress level 15%
Deep Dive- 25 meter down, MAN is not going down with us. Instead, pig head was the one sinking with us.. though without my usual guardian. I was getting comfortable with the deep blue and the breathing and of cuz the rope-at least something lead me. Sinking down to 25 m and did the mathematic, brain seemed functioning well under the deep blue...swimming back to shore.. only at 1 point tend to float unvolunteerly-mistake, mistake shouldn't inflate BCD to climb the underwater slope, ok, remember to deflate a bit next time toward end of dive-tank is emptyng and tend to 'fly' and i shall anchor tis tank and bring it back to where it belong..
Dive 7- Stress level 5%
1st and last group dive.. yeah ! we dive together finally. And definitely my nicest dive for the trip, so many colourful creatures and corals to see.. practicing hovering and buddha sit at the safety stop. This is the fun one, all of us, like astranaut 'floating' in the deep blue...Now can really feel the fun! And what a way to ends the deep blue journey -the sight of a Manta Ray! awesome =)
will keep blowing bubble till 1 day total stressless, total fearless.
blow bubbles and be happy ...
Shit man... after 3 years absent from any dive.. was lead straight to assemble the equipments. Bloody hell, i can't even really 100 % sure which button is deflate and which is inflate..thought i am very sure the cylinder is the oxigen tank..And before the dive, the stupid Pig head dive operator , as if the 'unfamiliarity' hasn't burden me enough, keep stressing how distant my last and... Only dive trip was..problematic, problematic, his bloody expression looked more worried than me. on the boat ride out to the sea, still try the very last minute of revision- verbally...Before realising.. boom !.. .. shit.. can not sink..in a kelam kabut way.. pig head stuck 1 kg weight in my bcd and i sink....in a reversed position ( imagine a prawn shape posture, with waist down first, follow with head and fins). .. hang on..!!!! i have yet to properly equalize myself...... in a uncontrollable way... i 'swing' my way to the bottom... before i properly 'kneel' on the sand... i float slowly... slowly ... slowly ... up... wei..!!! pig head u not going to grap me??!... and i just float my way up... disastrous!
- not enought weight, didn't equalise properly wet suit
Dive 2- Stress level 75%
F**K ! though i m taking an advanced course, doesn;t mean my skill very advance le.. introduced to the instructor, better refresh how to 'breath' under water again.... slowly get back the rhythm. Finally sink, but in a very akward way, can't kneel in a balance way. Do i hav dog gene inside, why 1 leg keep 'floating' up.. ??
- BCD too big, tank keep swinging side way- cause imbalance.
Dive 3- Stress level 50%
Changed to a XS BCD. Great! at least i can descend legs down man...keep myself underwater longer to familirize with the deep blue and the breathing... still feel tensed.
Dive 4- Stress level 40%
Underwater Navigation? already no sense of direction above ground and i have to navigate under the deep blue?.. Dun care, any how. MAN wan to 'cubit' me liao.. totally clueless of the direction. And MAN said i m 'vertigo' . alamak! can i find a diving labrador not ? imagining ..it would be a cool one =)
Dive 5 - Stress level 35%
dark, dark , dark..Not as stressed as i expected, though i still having difficulty descend.. this time - didn't press the button hard enough!. what a reason! Anyway, the 'charming instructor to be' Francis come to rescue. Even in the darkness i can see his impatience eye 'piercing ' thru me, ‘白’了我两眼 , at least.( hey Francis, must learn to be more patient with lousy student if wan to be intructor la). There was a time, the torch out of function for few minutes, but no chance panic as the buddy MAN just right beside. I think he must be quite stressed also by tis 'vertigo' student hehe.. and after his twist and turn, torch light back to function, bloodly handicapped torch charge us 20 ringgit some more..blood sucker ! didn't see much fish in the dark water .. only the darkness get deeper and deeper..imagine outside the glow, the fishes that were eyeing us in the unknown darkness..as if, .we are the protagonists on the under water's big screen mann... eerie..what an experience!
Dive 6 - Stress level 15%
Deep Dive- 25 meter down, MAN is not going down with us. Instead, pig head was the one sinking with us.. though without my usual guardian. I was getting comfortable with the deep blue and the breathing and of cuz the rope-at least something lead me. Sinking down to 25 m and did the mathematic, brain seemed functioning well under the deep blue...swimming back to shore.. only at 1 point tend to float unvolunteerly-mistake, mistake shouldn't inflate BCD to climb the underwater slope, ok, remember to deflate a bit next time toward end of dive-tank is emptyng and tend to 'fly' and i shall anchor tis tank and bring it back to where it belong..
Dive 7- Stress level 5%
1st and last group dive.. yeah ! we dive together finally. And definitely my nicest dive for the trip, so many colourful creatures and corals to see.. practicing hovering and buddha sit at the safety stop. This is the fun one, all of us, like astranaut 'floating' in the deep blue...Now can really feel the fun! And what a way to ends the deep blue journey -the sight of a Manta Ray! awesome =)
will keep blowing bubble till 1 day total stressless, total fearless.
blow bubbles and be happy ...
Monday, June 15, 2009
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